When looking back on our lives and considering our regrets, and what we would have liked to do differently in hindsight, people often blame other people for what might have been.
It is easy to do. Let's say you choose not to go to a college across the country because your parents don't want you to move so far away. So you choose a closer college you don't like as well, because it is what your parents want. Years later, you find yourself holding a grudge because they held you back.
Perhaps you are given an opportunity to take a dream job several states away, but hold back because you're in a relationship with someone. Regardless of whether or not the relationship works out, resentment often builds.
Or, let's say you uproot yourself because of someone you met online. You are ready for a new start. They end up being a complete jerk and now you're in an unfamiliar place, sad and alone. How dare they do that to you.
Is it really fair to blame the other person for what might have been? Whenever we regret decisions we have made, it is unpleasant and upsetting. But in any of these cases, an opposite action could have also led to regret and "what ifs". We can't know the outcome when we make a decision.
What we can do is hold ourselves responsible for the decisions we have made, and accept and embrace them. It may feel like other people are influencing our decisions - and they often do - but at the end of the day, these decisions are ours. We may regret them, but blaming others puts us in the constant state of the "victim", and that can prevent us from growing and learning from our decisions.
By taking responsibility, we can learn to forgive ourselves for making a decision that seemed wise at the time based on the information we had. We can forgive the other person for the influence they had on our decision. We can also make plans to move forward and realize that we are in control over our destiny.
Mistakes and all.
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