Last week, I was talking with a an acquaintance of mine. When she was a teenager, she unexpectedly became pregnant. She had to make many difficult choices, including choosing to raise her son on her own instead of aborting or adopting. Along the way, she was fortunate enough to find someone who loves her son as his own and they are now married. She is also about to finish up her college degree. For being a teen mom, I'd say she has certainly done a remarkable job of being resilient and trying to make good choices.
So, it made me very sad for her when she began talking about her mother. Despite all of my friend's efforts to be a good mother, her own mother is unstable and verbally abusive. She constantly tells my friend what a bad mother she is and what a slut she was. She makes her feel guilty if she spends any time or money on herself.
I asked my friend how she copes with this. She told me that she does everything she can to prove her mother wrong. She wants to hear her mother tell her what a good job she is doing, and that she is proud.
Seems like a good plan, right? Well, not exactly.
She may never get that validation from her mother, and there may be nothing she can do about it.
We cannot control what other people think and say, as much as we would like to. They may be unable to think in a rational manor due to their own issues or upbringing. They may even be well intended and unable to show love in the way we want.
So what should she do? What should any of us do?
The only thing we have the power to do - do our best to care for ourselves and the choices we make in coping, reacting and healing.
Because these issues can be very emotionally draining as well as multi-faceted, the best thing to do is seek counseling. It is a small step that could make a big difference in happiness, health, and overall well-being.
Showing posts with label Confessions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Confessions. Show all posts
Worrying about tomorrow... or next week... or next year...
There is some verse in the Bible about not worrying about tomorrow when today has worries of its own. I'm not sure who said it, and I'm not even sure what book it is in. At any rate, they seemed to be speaking directly to me.
Or, at least, my mother and my husband think so. They never fail to tell me the same thing, in so many words, when I start worrying about things in the far future.
And I know they are right. But it doesn't stop my mind from going there.
If I could plan my life out right now, I would, but I can't. I don't know what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, or next year. That is scary for me.
I have been more stressed than usual, because my life is changing. I'm heading back to school to become a mental health counselor. I have all of my "now" bases covered. I have enough money saved up for the first year's tuition. My current employers are working with my school schedule, so I'll still be able to work. My books are ordered and on their way.
So I should feel pretty good about where I'm at, right?
Wrong. While I should be concentrating on what is going on right now, I am trying to map out the next 4 years of my life. I am trying to make sure I'll have enough money saved up for every step of the way. Unfortunately this is something I cannot do at this time. And it is upsetting.
I am blessed to have a husband and a mother that think more rationally about these things than I do. I don't like hearing what they have to say, but as I tell them about my fears and concerns about our lives 4 years from now, they say the same thing: Don't worry about something that is so far off. Concentrate on what you can do now.
So what can I do? Continue to be frugal with money. Concentrate on doing well in school. Know that I are resilient and can handle obstacles. Deal with bad scenarios when they happen, don't think about them beforehand.
Why should I be in a constant state of worry for four years? If I can control what I can control right now, that will be better.
Staying in the present will always be a struggle for me. I'm sure it is for many of you, too. But we can make it through.
Or, at least, my mother and my husband think so. They never fail to tell me the same thing, in so many words, when I start worrying about things in the far future.
And I know they are right. But it doesn't stop my mind from going there.
If I could plan my life out right now, I would, but I can't. I don't know what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, or next year. That is scary for me.
I have been more stressed than usual, because my life is changing. I'm heading back to school to become a mental health counselor. I have all of my "now" bases covered. I have enough money saved up for the first year's tuition. My current employers are working with my school schedule, so I'll still be able to work. My books are ordered and on their way.
So I should feel pretty good about where I'm at, right?
Wrong. While I should be concentrating on what is going on right now, I am trying to map out the next 4 years of my life. I am trying to make sure I'll have enough money saved up for every step of the way. Unfortunately this is something I cannot do at this time. And it is upsetting.
I am blessed to have a husband and a mother that think more rationally about these things than I do. I don't like hearing what they have to say, but as I tell them about my fears and concerns about our lives 4 years from now, they say the same thing: Don't worry about something that is so far off. Concentrate on what you can do now.
So what can I do? Continue to be frugal with money. Concentrate on doing well in school. Know that I are resilient and can handle obstacles. Deal with bad scenarios when they happen, don't think about them beforehand.
Why should I be in a constant state of worry for four years? If I can control what I can control right now, that will be better.
Staying in the present will always be a struggle for me. I'm sure it is for many of you, too. But we can make it through.
Thank you... sometimes things happen for a reason
It has been less than a week since I decided to share my story, in hopes that it would help others like me. I hoped it would help change your lives for the better.
The reality is, I think you have changed mine.
I've been overwhelmed by the response and I am ever so grateful. I feel convinced that now is the time for me to do something that, perhaps, I should have done years ago - become a professional mental health counselor.
Right now, I'm just someone fighting a lifelong battle with generalized anxiety and lives to tell the tale. I want to do more.
Currently, I am looking at my options for going back to school.
Sometimes things happen at the times they are supposed to happen, and not a minute sooner. I have asked myself frequently why I did not consider becoming a counselor when I was in undergrad. Instead, I eared a communications degree and currently work in sales and marketing - a career I once thought I would be unable to do, considering my anxiety.
The job never felt like the right fit, but I think because of that, I was able to reach outside of my comfort zone and truly work through a lot of the rough edges in my anxiety life.
I never thought I could make cold calls, or attend networking events by myself. But I do. And now I have the experience to share with you how I was able to overcome my anxiety enough to do it.
Without my current profession, I never would have been able to acquire the experiences that would allow me to help you.
And in turn, helping you has helped me find my calling.
So thank you. I look forward to continuing with this blog for many years to come, and seeing where my life's journey will take me.
The reality is, I think you have changed mine.
I've been overwhelmed by the response and I am ever so grateful. I feel convinced that now is the time for me to do something that, perhaps, I should have done years ago - become a professional mental health counselor.
Right now, I'm just someone fighting a lifelong battle with generalized anxiety and lives to tell the tale. I want to do more.
Currently, I am looking at my options for going back to school.
Sometimes things happen at the times they are supposed to happen, and not a minute sooner. I have asked myself frequently why I did not consider becoming a counselor when I was in undergrad. Instead, I eared a communications degree and currently work in sales and marketing - a career I once thought I would be unable to do, considering my anxiety.
The job never felt like the right fit, but I think because of that, I was able to reach outside of my comfort zone and truly work through a lot of the rough edges in my anxiety life.
I never thought I could make cold calls, or attend networking events by myself. But I do. And now I have the experience to share with you how I was able to overcome my anxiety enough to do it.
Without my current profession, I never would have been able to acquire the experiences that would allow me to help you.
And in turn, helping you has helped me find my calling.
So thank you. I look forward to continuing with this blog for many years to come, and seeing where my life's journey will take me.
Why I am anxious about my high school reunion, and why I decided to go anyway
High school is a breeding ground for insecurity.
Whether it is the dude that makes fun of your clothes, or the cliques that won't let you near their lunch table, there are plenty of reasons to want to hide under a rock from time to time.
For teens who suffer from social anxiety - either alone or as part of their generalized anxiety - any social situation in high school can be terrifying. From the lunch room, to recess, to bus trips, to finding partners in class... all of it was agonizing for me.
Things got much better after my Sophomore year, when I began taking medication and receiving psychotherapy for my anxiety. After that, I was able to make a few friends. I even attended my proms.
However, high school is something that I would never want to relive. If I am being honest, I have mentally blocked most of it out.
When I received my 5 year reunion invitation, I crumpled it and threw it in the garbage can. I was not interested in seeing people that reminded me of a terrible time in my life.
Last month, I received my 10 year reunion request. This time, i gave it a second look.
Why?
It all came down to my battle with anxiety.
I let it beat me throughout most of high school.
I wasn't about to let it beat me again.
So, I decided to see my 10 year reunion not as a reminder of bad times, but as a chance for redemption. A chance to show people how far I'd come. Show them that that shy little girl had come into her own, as was doing things no one ever thought possible.
More than that, I wanted to get to know these people with him I was once unable to speak. Maybe at one time being around these people caused me great anxiety, but now I know how to be their friend.
Essentially, I can turn bad memories into good ones. Come August 17, I plan to do just that.
If any of you are in a similar situation, I urge you not to sit at home and avoid confronting your past. You can't change what has happened to you, but you can control what you do now.
In my next post, I will explain how to navigate a party when you are socially anxious.
Whether it is the dude that makes fun of your clothes, or the cliques that won't let you near their lunch table, there are plenty of reasons to want to hide under a rock from time to time.
For teens who suffer from social anxiety - either alone or as part of their generalized anxiety - any social situation in high school can be terrifying. From the lunch room, to recess, to bus trips, to finding partners in class... all of it was agonizing for me.
Things got much better after my Sophomore year, when I began taking medication and receiving psychotherapy for my anxiety. After that, I was able to make a few friends. I even attended my proms.
However, high school is something that I would never want to relive. If I am being honest, I have mentally blocked most of it out.
When I received my 5 year reunion invitation, I crumpled it and threw it in the garbage can. I was not interested in seeing people that reminded me of a terrible time in my life.
Last month, I received my 10 year reunion request. This time, i gave it a second look.
Why?
It all came down to my battle with anxiety.
I let it beat me throughout most of high school.
I wasn't about to let it beat me again.
So, I decided to see my 10 year reunion not as a reminder of bad times, but as a chance for redemption. A chance to show people how far I'd come. Show them that that shy little girl had come into her own, as was doing things no one ever thought possible.
More than that, I wanted to get to know these people with him I was once unable to speak. Maybe at one time being around these people caused me great anxiety, but now I know how to be their friend.
Essentially, I can turn bad memories into good ones. Come August 17, I plan to do just that.
If any of you are in a similar situation, I urge you not to sit at home and avoid confronting your past. You can't change what has happened to you, but you can control what you do now.
In my next post, I will explain how to navigate a party when you are socially anxious.
My diagnosis story
Anxiety is something I have always had to deal with, but I was 15 when I finally received my diagnosis. My parents were not equipped to handle a child with a mental illness, and I believe they were also in denial about the fact that their child might have one.
As a child, my anxiety mainly manifested itself in the social realm, as I didn't have anything else to potentially cause stress. To my parents, I was just an unusual child that preferred to read books and stay inside rather than play with friends. If someone said hello to me, I got embarrassed and looked down. I would speak in class, but not to my classmates during recess or lunch.
My parents always had the same response. "Be chipper." "Talk to people." "You should want to play with your classmates."
The truth was, I did. Desperately. I wanted friends. But I was too scared to talk to anyone.
In 8th grade, I got to a point where I was so miserable, I didn't think I could go on. Given, I was too afraid to actually end my life, but I would cry to my mother that I wanted to. After I did this for a few months, my parents finally set up an appointment for me to see the schools social worker.
The social worker was nice, and I saw her for about a year, but she wasn't much help. Different treatments work for different people, but she was not able to adequately help me.
Finally, my parents booked an appointment with a psychiatrist. Because no one in my life had been able to tell me what was wrong, I put together an extensive list of scenarios and symptoms and how they made me feel. This psychologist, however, didn't need to look at any of them. Enough "what if" questions from me made it very obvious: I was a typical case of Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
My parents were supportive, and I was relieved to know that there was a reason for my suffering - one with a cure. Any stigmas they may have felt about mental illness soon washed away. In fact, soon after I received my diagnosis, my father realized he'd been in denial about his own anxiety disorder, and he too would seek treatment.
As a child, my anxiety mainly manifested itself in the social realm, as I didn't have anything else to potentially cause stress. To my parents, I was just an unusual child that preferred to read books and stay inside rather than play with friends. If someone said hello to me, I got embarrassed and looked down. I would speak in class, but not to my classmates during recess or lunch.
My parents always had the same response. "Be chipper." "Talk to people." "You should want to play with your classmates."
The truth was, I did. Desperately. I wanted friends. But I was too scared to talk to anyone.
In 8th grade, I got to a point where I was so miserable, I didn't think I could go on. Given, I was too afraid to actually end my life, but I would cry to my mother that I wanted to. After I did this for a few months, my parents finally set up an appointment for me to see the schools social worker.
The social worker was nice, and I saw her for about a year, but she wasn't much help. Different treatments work for different people, but she was not able to adequately help me.
Finally, my parents booked an appointment with a psychiatrist. Because no one in my life had been able to tell me what was wrong, I put together an extensive list of scenarios and symptoms and how they made me feel. This psychologist, however, didn't need to look at any of them. Enough "what if" questions from me made it very obvious: I was a typical case of Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
My parents were supportive, and I was relieved to know that there was a reason for my suffering - one with a cure. Any stigmas they may have felt about mental illness soon washed away. In fact, soon after I received my diagnosis, my father realized he'd been in denial about his own anxiety disorder, and he too would seek treatment.
About The GAD Life
The sun is about to set on a Sunday night in midwest America, and I'm lounging in the living room of my modest 2-bedroom home. My feet are propped up in the easy chair, my computer on my lap and a Cockapoo puppy napping on my legs. Even at dusk, the Summer heat outside is unbearable, but my husband and I have the air conditioner cranking. It's our first summer as a married couple, and life is good.
Or is it?
I don't have any "real" problems, at least not to a casual observer. I'm young, healthy, in love, and making enough money to live a fairly comfortable life.
But I can't relax. I don't feel like everything is OK, let alone good.
I suffer from Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
WebMD describes Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) as being characterized by excessive, exaggerated anxiety and worry about everyday life events with no obvious reasons for worry. In people with GAD, the worry is often unrealistic and out of proportion for the situation. Daily life becomes a constant state of worry, fear and dread.
It is often difficult for other people to understand your struggle. They may think it is all in your head.
In reality, it is very much a physiological problem, dealing with abnormal levels of neurotransmitters in the brain. This alters the way the brain reacts to certain situations, leading to inappropriate levels of anxiety.
I am not alone in my struggles. 6.8 million Americans could tell you that.
That is why The Gad Life is here. I will write about common anxiety issues and my experiences, and also provide advice on seeking further help. I am not a doctor nor a licensed therapist, but I have struggled - and survived - 28 years with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I know the kinds of questions you have, and I have a lot of insight and knowledge of the disease.
Feel free to reply with your questions and your own fears. I will do my best to write a post tailored to your questions. Email me at lindsayraye@gmail.com.
Or is it?
I don't have any "real" problems, at least not to a casual observer. I'm young, healthy, in love, and making enough money to live a fairly comfortable life.
But I can't relax. I don't feel like everything is OK, let alone good.
I suffer from Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
WebMD describes Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) as being characterized by excessive, exaggerated anxiety and worry about everyday life events with no obvious reasons for worry. In people with GAD, the worry is often unrealistic and out of proportion for the situation. Daily life becomes a constant state of worry, fear and dread.
It is often difficult for other people to understand your struggle. They may think it is all in your head.
In reality, it is very much a physiological problem, dealing with abnormal levels of neurotransmitters in the brain. This alters the way the brain reacts to certain situations, leading to inappropriate levels of anxiety.
I am not alone in my struggles. 6.8 million Americans could tell you that.
That is why The Gad Life is here. I will write about common anxiety issues and my experiences, and also provide advice on seeking further help. I am not a doctor nor a licensed therapist, but I have struggled - and survived - 28 years with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I know the kinds of questions you have, and I have a lot of insight and knowledge of the disease.
Feel free to reply with your questions and your own fears. I will do my best to write a post tailored to your questions. Email me at lindsayraye@gmail.com.
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