This topic seems fitting, since I haven't had much time to blog lately. I just started graduate school for counseling, so most of my free time is now spent studying.
Nevertheless, it brings up a good point. How many times do we find ourselves angry or hurt by friends who don't seem to have any time for us?
It is natural to think that something we did, or something someone else said or did, led to the lack of communication. Worse, we fear they are slipping away and don't care about us any more.
I've felt like this many, many times throughout my life, even as recently as last week. See, a friend of mine finally found a guy who loves her, and she spends most of her free time with him - and not me.
When things like this happen, I do my best to let it go. Over the years, I've noticed that people become most noticeably absent during a life change. This includes a new boyfriend or girlfriend, a new baby, school, or a number of other scenarios.
Think about times when you had life changes. You probably found less time to think about friends. It wasn't that you didn't like them anymore, you just had other priorities to attend to at the time. Eventually you probably found an equilibrium and found time for friends again.
It is very likely that others would react the same.
The initial reaction to noticing a "problem" is to try to fix it. If a friend keeps turning you down, you will want to know what he problem is. A better option is to not dwell on it. Try distracting yourself, hanging out with other people, doing therapeutic breathing, challenging your thoughts, or other coping mechanisms that work for you.
If a lot of time passes - more than a few weeks or months perhaps - simply tell them you miss hanging out. Ask if there is anything you can do, and go from there. I can't tell you what will happen or what to do from there, but the important thing to remember that in amost all cases of friend neglect, it is not about you or an attack on you. It's usually just that life got in the way.
No comments:
Post a Comment