I have anxiety. I don't want uncertainty. I don't want to worry about what will happen.
Because when you don't know what will happen, the worst-case scenarios come in to knock you down.
Worrying about the worst-case scenario, or any bad scenario, coming to fruition is exhausting, isn't it?
Yet that is the natural state of mind for anxiety sufferers with catastrophic thinking. You worry about what you don't know, and assume the worst will happen.
As controlled as my anxiety is most of the time, I still have these thoughts sometimes.
Right now is one of those times.
I've decided I'd like to further my education, and work toward a degree in mental health counseling.
Readers, you have played a big role in that - so thank you.
Going back to school is full of uncertainties, which in turn brings about the following thoughts for me. I'll map them out.
"Classes start at 4, and I work 8 - 5. What if my boss doesn't let me take off an hour early to go to school? What if he makes me choose between my job and school?"
"If my boss fires me, what will I do about paying the bills, and paying my mortgage?"
"What if I can't find the internships I need to get my license after graduation?"
"What if those internships are unpaid - will I lose my house?"
"What if I can't find a job after I get my license, and then I've wasted time and money?"
Are you exhausted yet? I sure am. I know many of you get these same thoughts. They can be very paralyzing. They can make you want to avoid taking risks - like going back to school.
They can also prevent you from making your life better.
There is the theory of risk vs. reward, but there really aren't any rewards unless you take a risk. Otherwise you just sit around in the same comfortable routine asking yourself "what if".
So if you are going to ask yourself "What if" either way, why not go for the one that might get you a reward? Why not take a risk?
I'm not saying you have to go back to school, or even jump out of an airplane. For some, it is saying "Hi" to someone they do not know. For others, it is just leaving the house.
You may not know what will happen, but that is ok. As anxiety sufferers we are STRONG. We are RESILIENT. We may not always realize it, but if that worst case scenario comes, we deal with it then. And not a minute before. We cannot allow ourselves to always worry about things that may or may not happen, and most of the time the worst case scenario doesn't come true anyway.
So go take a risk today. Don't ask yourself "What if it ruins my life." Ask yourself, "What if it makes my life better?"
Thank you... sometimes things happen for a reason
It has been less than a week since I decided to share my story, in hopes that it would help others like me. I hoped it would help change your lives for the better.
The reality is, I think you have changed mine.
I've been overwhelmed by the response and I am ever so grateful. I feel convinced that now is the time for me to do something that, perhaps, I should have done years ago - become a professional mental health counselor.
Right now, I'm just someone fighting a lifelong battle with generalized anxiety and lives to tell the tale. I want to do more.
Currently, I am looking at my options for going back to school.
Sometimes things happen at the times they are supposed to happen, and not a minute sooner. I have asked myself frequently why I did not consider becoming a counselor when I was in undergrad. Instead, I eared a communications degree and currently work in sales and marketing - a career I once thought I would be unable to do, considering my anxiety.
The job never felt like the right fit, but I think because of that, I was able to reach outside of my comfort zone and truly work through a lot of the rough edges in my anxiety life.
I never thought I could make cold calls, or attend networking events by myself. But I do. And now I have the experience to share with you how I was able to overcome my anxiety enough to do it.
Without my current profession, I never would have been able to acquire the experiences that would allow me to help you.
And in turn, helping you has helped me find my calling.
So thank you. I look forward to continuing with this blog for many years to come, and seeing where my life's journey will take me.
The reality is, I think you have changed mine.
I've been overwhelmed by the response and I am ever so grateful. I feel convinced that now is the time for me to do something that, perhaps, I should have done years ago - become a professional mental health counselor.
Right now, I'm just someone fighting a lifelong battle with generalized anxiety and lives to tell the tale. I want to do more.
Currently, I am looking at my options for going back to school.
Sometimes things happen at the times they are supposed to happen, and not a minute sooner. I have asked myself frequently why I did not consider becoming a counselor when I was in undergrad. Instead, I eared a communications degree and currently work in sales and marketing - a career I once thought I would be unable to do, considering my anxiety.
The job never felt like the right fit, but I think because of that, I was able to reach outside of my comfort zone and truly work through a lot of the rough edges in my anxiety life.
I never thought I could make cold calls, or attend networking events by myself. But I do. And now I have the experience to share with you how I was able to overcome my anxiety enough to do it.
Without my current profession, I never would have been able to acquire the experiences that would allow me to help you.
And in turn, helping you has helped me find my calling.
So thank you. I look forward to continuing with this blog for many years to come, and seeing where my life's journey will take me.
Anxiety and dogs: A therapeutic combination
When I was a child, I was not allowed to have a dog. I never really wanted one.
In fact, I never considered getting a dog until I married a lifelong dog lover.
He never pressured me into getting a dog, but I knew he missed his childhood dog, a Golden Retriever named Rory. I'd met Rory -- to me she was just a shed-happy, slobbery mess.
Somehow, I caved. I agreed to get a dog under the following conditions: A. It was small, and B. It didn't shed.
Two weeks later, we brought our little Cockapoo boy, Remington "Remy" Steele, home.
If you are considering getting a dog for the first time, definitely choose a breed that is known for a calm demeanor and is easily trainable. Your first time out, going to a pound and picking up an abused (and as a result aggressive) dog would be unwise. You can definitely talk to a local dog trainer to get their input on the easiest breeds to raise. They may also have ideas on where to buy dogs from reputable breeders (no puppy mills or pet stores please!) You could also go a local humane society and choose a good fit for you among the dogs they have on-site.
Have any of you had similar experiences with a pet? Feel free to comment below.
In fact, I never considered getting a dog until I married a lifelong dog lover.
He never pressured me into getting a dog, but I knew he missed his childhood dog, a Golden Retriever named Rory. I'd met Rory -- to me she was just a shed-happy, slobbery mess.
Somehow, I caved. I agreed to get a dog under the following conditions: A. It was small, and B. It didn't shed.
Two weeks later, we brought our little Cockapoo boy, Remington "Remy" Steele, home.
It was hard at first, with the potty training and boundary-setting. Early on, it caused me some extra anxiety and I wondered why I got the dog in the first place. However, it wasn't long before I understood why my husband loved dogs. I understood why so many people love dogs.
Dogs are the most loving, loyal creatures. They make you feel valued. They need you. They make you feel special.
Remy is now 1-1/2 years old, and there is nothing more precious to me than when I come home from work, and he begs to be picked up, and then showers me with his puppy kisses.
My anxiety is generally under control at this point in my life, but even then, I've come to also understand how therapeutic dogs can potentially be when it comes to anxiety sufferers.
Maybe I would have had a better childhood if I'd had a dog. I truly do think so.
First of all, most anxiety sufferers feel like they are judged and misunderstood. They feel like the world is looking at them and calling them "freak". Dogs don't think this way. Dogs don't care. Their love is unconditional, and all-accepting.
They also give a great deal of physical comfort. Especially for someone who has a hard time getting close to people, the physical affection of a dog can be that much more meaningful. Almost all dogs want to be close to their owners, and will be keen to snuggle most of the time. It still surprises me how gratifying those snuggles can be. It really makes me feel like, no matter what is going on, someone loves me and wants to be close to me.
Dogs also force you to get out of the house. When anxiety and depression are at their worst, motivation to get up and do something is at a low. Regardless of how you feel, though, the dog needs a walk. The positive endorphins given off by exercise, as well as the social aspect of having others come up to you and tell you how "cute" your dog is, will likely put you in a much better mood.
If you are overwhelmed in your life currently, a dog might make things worse. But if you have the time to spend with a dog, and have been on the fence about getting one, it could definitely increase your happiness.
If you are considering getting a dog for the first time, definitely choose a breed that is known for a calm demeanor and is easily trainable. Your first time out, going to a pound and picking up an abused (and as a result aggressive) dog would be unwise. You can definitely talk to a local dog trainer to get their input on the easiest breeds to raise. They may also have ideas on where to buy dogs from reputable breeders (no puppy mills or pet stores please!) You could also go a local humane society and choose a good fit for you among the dogs they have on-site.
Have any of you had similar experiences with a pet? Feel free to comment below.
Counting your blessings
David Finn is living the golf fanatic's dream. He has caddied for Hunter Mahan. He has earned both the respect and friendship of Phil Mickelson. Most of the top golfers on the PGA Tour know him by name.
Whatever image you had in your mind of this gentleman, you're in for a shock.
David is confined to a wheelchair, with shriveled limbs and a mouth that can't form words.
But he's smart, has a great sense of humor, and a big passion for golf.
Phil Mickelson first spotted him in 2005, sitting in the gallery at the 14th green of the PGA Championship course. Phil won the tournament, and he shared his joy with his David. Soon, other PGA golfers befriended him too. Players often give him tickets to the big events - so far he has attended 27 tournaments.
Obviously, David's life is not easy. He communicates by typing with a single, crooked finger. He will never walk or be able to swing a club. But if you ask David, he'd say his life is pretty sweet. He is having a great time pursuing his passion for golf in his own way, and the pro golfers love him for it. Just look at him here with Phil!
So what does that have to do with us anxiety sufferers?
Whatever image you had in your mind of this gentleman, you're in for a shock.
David is confined to a wheelchair, with shriveled limbs and a mouth that can't form words.
But he's smart, has a great sense of humor, and a big passion for golf.
Phil Mickelson first spotted him in 2005, sitting in the gallery at the 14th green of the PGA Championship course. Phil won the tournament, and he shared his joy with his David. Soon, other PGA golfers befriended him too. Players often give him tickets to the big events - so far he has attended 27 tournaments.
Obviously, David's life is not easy. He communicates by typing with a single, crooked finger. He will never walk or be able to swing a club. But if you ask David, he'd say his life is pretty sweet. He is having a great time pursuing his passion for golf in his own way, and the pro golfers love him for it. Just look at him here with Phil!
John Munson/The Star-Ledger
Well, it shows us that we may have hinderances in life, but it doesn't mean we shouldn't - or can't - enjoy it. We still deserve to pursue our passions, and we deserve to be loved. We deserve to have fun. If David can do it, why can't we?
Anxious about social gatherings? Here's how to feel comfortable and have fun!
The thought of entering a crowded room can be extraordinarily frightening for someone who battles anxiety.
I used to be terrified of it. But I was forced to start attending networking events as part of my marketing job. Now I'm used to it, and in fact enjoy it to a degree. I've made some observations and learned some tricks that people who generally avoid social gatherings can use to hopefully overcome their fears.
Let me tell you the first thing to know about social gatherings. Most people are nervous about being around people they don't know very well, whether they have an anxiety disorder or not. Don't believe me? Then ask yourself why every social event, from a company networking event to a house party, has beer and vodka ready to help attendees braven up. Personally, I believe that if you are suffering from anxiety, you should try harder to stay away from heavy drinking at parties, as it is easy to become dependent. One or two is enough.
The best way to braven up does not involve booze. It involves a friend. Anxiety worsens when you are in situations with uncertainty, and people you don't know very well or at all are certainly... well... uncertainties. So bring a friend. That friend can be your comfort and your cushion - even if you don't have the guts to speak to anyone else at the party, you can still have fun with your friend.
Even better, if you have a friend that is more social than you are, he or she can introduce you to other people at the party. If you are trying to break out of your comfort zone and talk to people you don't know, then this is a safe way to do that. Since they know your friend, you can expect to be treated with kindness if you attempt to start a conversation.
I should mention one other thing -- some people avoid parties because they don't want to be the center of attention, or don't want people looking at them and/or judging them. Well, let me tell you something my first (and greatest) psychotherapist told me. "People are so focused on themselves that they don't have the time or energy to pay any attention to what you are doing", he said. And having been to dozens of networking events and parties, I know this to be the absolute case. People do not notice you unless they are A. looking for you or B. you start a conversation with them.
I'll write in a future blog about navigating a party on your own, but if you are just starting to get out more, I'd stick to the friend approach unless you know people who will be at the party whom you can join up with. So get out and have some fun. I have faith in you!
Why I am anxious about my high school reunion, and why I decided to go anyway
High school is a breeding ground for insecurity.
Whether it is the dude that makes fun of your clothes, or the cliques that won't let you near their lunch table, there are plenty of reasons to want to hide under a rock from time to time.
For teens who suffer from social anxiety - either alone or as part of their generalized anxiety - any social situation in high school can be terrifying. From the lunch room, to recess, to bus trips, to finding partners in class... all of it was agonizing for me.
Things got much better after my Sophomore year, when I began taking medication and receiving psychotherapy for my anxiety. After that, I was able to make a few friends. I even attended my proms.
However, high school is something that I would never want to relive. If I am being honest, I have mentally blocked most of it out.
When I received my 5 year reunion invitation, I crumpled it and threw it in the garbage can. I was not interested in seeing people that reminded me of a terrible time in my life.
Last month, I received my 10 year reunion request. This time, i gave it a second look.
Why?
It all came down to my battle with anxiety.
I let it beat me throughout most of high school.
I wasn't about to let it beat me again.
So, I decided to see my 10 year reunion not as a reminder of bad times, but as a chance for redemption. A chance to show people how far I'd come. Show them that that shy little girl had come into her own, as was doing things no one ever thought possible.
More than that, I wanted to get to know these people with him I was once unable to speak. Maybe at one time being around these people caused me great anxiety, but now I know how to be their friend.
Essentially, I can turn bad memories into good ones. Come August 17, I plan to do just that.
If any of you are in a similar situation, I urge you not to sit at home and avoid confronting your past. You can't change what has happened to you, but you can control what you do now.
In my next post, I will explain how to navigate a party when you are socially anxious.
Whether it is the dude that makes fun of your clothes, or the cliques that won't let you near their lunch table, there are plenty of reasons to want to hide under a rock from time to time.
For teens who suffer from social anxiety - either alone or as part of their generalized anxiety - any social situation in high school can be terrifying. From the lunch room, to recess, to bus trips, to finding partners in class... all of it was agonizing for me.
Things got much better after my Sophomore year, when I began taking medication and receiving psychotherapy for my anxiety. After that, I was able to make a few friends. I even attended my proms.
However, high school is something that I would never want to relive. If I am being honest, I have mentally blocked most of it out.
When I received my 5 year reunion invitation, I crumpled it and threw it in the garbage can. I was not interested in seeing people that reminded me of a terrible time in my life.
Last month, I received my 10 year reunion request. This time, i gave it a second look.
Why?
It all came down to my battle with anxiety.
I let it beat me throughout most of high school.
I wasn't about to let it beat me again.
So, I decided to see my 10 year reunion not as a reminder of bad times, but as a chance for redemption. A chance to show people how far I'd come. Show them that that shy little girl had come into her own, as was doing things no one ever thought possible.
More than that, I wanted to get to know these people with him I was once unable to speak. Maybe at one time being around these people caused me great anxiety, but now I know how to be their friend.
Essentially, I can turn bad memories into good ones. Come August 17, I plan to do just that.
If any of you are in a similar situation, I urge you not to sit at home and avoid confronting your past. You can't change what has happened to you, but you can control what you do now.
In my next post, I will explain how to navigate a party when you are socially anxious.
Anxious about medical visits and procedures?
No one likes going to the doctor, dentist, etc. For someone with an anxiety disorder, it can be even worse.
For some, it is the fear of the doctor telling them they are ill or dying or that they are the statistical anomaly. I get it. A lymph node swells due to a cold, and suddenly it becomes, "Oh my God, it's cancer." You bump your shin? It's a stress fracture. Taking "the pill"? You're going to be the .03% that gets pregnant. You are also going to be the miniscule percentage of chiropractic patients that die during an adjustment. A little ache in the tooth? Root canal time. Oh, I definitely get it. Haven't we all felt like Woody Allen's character in the video below?
Also, anxiety about medical procedures can be overwhelming. For me, it is the blood draw or IV. If I know I'm going to have one done, I will become physically sick for days or weeks until it is over. I've actually been known to say that if I ever had a baby, I would rather go through labor without pain medication than have to deal with an epidural and an IV.
I'll always struggle with these parts of my anxiety, even though I've been treated successfully. Some people find relief by taking relaxation pills, Xanax, or other temporary stress reducers. Some use their faith to make it through and trust in God. Some think of happy thoughts. Personally, I just live with the anxiety, and when the time comes, simply breathe deeply and let things happen. I let the doctor or nurse know I am scared, and they will usually find a way to keep me distracted. Whether I panic or not, the procedure will still happen, and I will make it through. I breathe, and remind myself that I'm stronger than I think I am.
That being said, the more you expose yourself to the things you fear, the less they will scare you. You will realize that, in general, they aren't as bad as you think, and that the worst case scenario rarely happens. Personally, I have a goal of eventually being able to give blood on a regular basis. I'm not quite ready yet.
What have your experiences with fear and doctors/procedures been like? Let me know in the comments section.
For some, it is the fear of the doctor telling them they are ill or dying or that they are the statistical anomaly. I get it. A lymph node swells due to a cold, and suddenly it becomes, "Oh my God, it's cancer." You bump your shin? It's a stress fracture. Taking "the pill"? You're going to be the .03% that gets pregnant. You are also going to be the miniscule percentage of chiropractic patients that die during an adjustment. A little ache in the tooth? Root canal time. Oh, I definitely get it. Haven't we all felt like Woody Allen's character in the video below?
Also, anxiety about medical procedures can be overwhelming. For me, it is the blood draw or IV. If I know I'm going to have one done, I will become physically sick for days or weeks until it is over. I've actually been known to say that if I ever had a baby, I would rather go through labor without pain medication than have to deal with an epidural and an IV.
I'll always struggle with these parts of my anxiety, even though I've been treated successfully. Some people find relief by taking relaxation pills, Xanax, or other temporary stress reducers. Some use their faith to make it through and trust in God. Some think of happy thoughts. Personally, I just live with the anxiety, and when the time comes, simply breathe deeply and let things happen. I let the doctor or nurse know I am scared, and they will usually find a way to keep me distracted. Whether I panic or not, the procedure will still happen, and I will make it through. I breathe, and remind myself that I'm stronger than I think I am.
That being said, the more you expose yourself to the things you fear, the less they will scare you. You will realize that, in general, they aren't as bad as you think, and that the worst case scenario rarely happens. Personally, I have a goal of eventually being able to give blood on a regular basis. I'm not quite ready yet.
What have your experiences with fear and doctors/procedures been like? Let me know in the comments section.
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